Investigating experiences of the infidelity partner: Who is the ‘‘Other Man/Woman’’?

Little research has explored infidelity relationships from the perspective of the infidelity partner (i.e. the other man/woman to an exclusive romantic relationship) or explored the personality profiles of these individuals. Participants (n = 180) completed an online survey. Our findings indicate that most infidelity partners initially do not know they are engaging in infidelity but less than half ended the relationship upon learning of the infidelity. Low agreeableness appears to be a core trait to help explain why some individuals are willing to be an infidelity partner and conceal the transgression. Individuals higher on anxious attachment and an unrestricted sociosexual orientation appear to be more likely to be infidelity partners, although this finding must be cautiously interpreted. As a third party is necessary to engage in infidelity, knowing more about the infidelity partner is essential to furthering the infidelity literature. 2015 Elsevier Ltd. All rights reserved. 1. Investigating experiences of the infidelity partner: Who is the ‘‘Other Man/Woman’’? Infidelity is common among dating relationships as 49% of male college students and 31% of female college students have engaged in sexual infidelity (Wiederman & Hurd, 1999), and 22–25% of married men and 11–15% of married women having engaged in sexual infidelity (Allen et al., 2005). Researchers have amassed a broad and informative literature about the nature of infidelity, experiences of the infidelity victim, and qualities of the transgressor. One glaring gap in the infidelity literature is that there is virtually no research conducted from the perspective of the infidelity partner. We define the infidelity partner as the individual who is the third party to a primary romantic relationship (i.e. the individual with whom a person in a committed, monogamous relationship is cheating with, commonly referred to as the other man or the other woman). In television shows and movies we see infidelity partners’ varied experiences and the internet is awash with personal stories from individuals who either knowingly or unknowingly were an infidelity partner. Yet in the vast infidelity literature, little attention is paid to the infidelity partner. The current paper aims to describe infidelity relationships from the perspective of the infidelity partner as well as explore the personality profiles of individuals who find themselves in the role of infidelity partner. Sociologist Laurel Richardson collected qualitative data about the experiences of women who knowingly entered into relationships with married men. Richardson (1979) found that these relationships lasted from 1 to 17 years and ended due to a variety of external (e.g. the wife, relocation, or a new lover) and/or internal (e.g. disillusionment with relationship, distress) factors. These single women were often involved with married men due to a perceived lack of desirable single men as well as a way to explore their sexuality, and gain professionally and personally (Richardson, 1985, 1988). Most of the women expressed regret about the affair but there were notably a few who seemed to negotiate the liaison with little remorse or regret (Richardson, 1985, 1988). This work is somewhat outdated, focused only on women, and little attention is given to traits about the infidelity partners themselves. 2. Personality traits as predictors of infidelity Researchers have found a number of personality traits related to the likelihood of being an infidelity transgressor. For the current study, we will explore the personality traits most consistently found in transgressors, and how such traits may also be found in aware infidelity partners and be associated with relationship outcomes. One trait commonly linked to infidelity is attachment style, as securely attached individuals are less likely to cheat on romantic http://dx.doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2015.05.014 0191-8869/ 2015 Elsevier Ltd. All rights reserved. ⇑ Corresponding author at: Department of Human Development & Family Studies, Texas Tech University, Mailstop 41230, Lubbock, TX 79409-1230, United States. Tel.: +1 806 834 4912; fax: +1 806 742 0285. E-mail address: [email protected] (D.A. Weiser). Personality and Individual Differences 85 (2015) 176–181